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Sex & The Bi-Gender

To the loving partner of a bi-gender, I have the following to say. 

In the "deal-making" that often follows 'outing', one of the most common "deals" is the spouse saying," I accept this, and as long as it stays out of sight (and out of the bedroom) I can deal with it."

If you are in a loving relationship, your bi-gender spouse will probably agree, and in some cases, it is perhaps sustainable. In the long term, it is not particularly healthy though.

Setting aside the fact that "accepting it, so long as I don't see it" is no different than rejecting the bi-gender as a person. Sex is one of the most intimate expressions of bonding between two adults.

And in a loving relationship, saying (in essence) "I will have sex with this part of you and not another part of you" is impractical. More importantly, it damages the trust and sharing of intimacy that characterizes a healthy relationship.

Any bi-gender who says "I don't need or want to bring this into the bedroom" is being equally short-sighted. To disengage an important part of who you are when being intimate with your partner is a disservice to your partner.

The challenge to achieving this openness and trust starts with an understanding of one's own Sexuality.


In the world of the bi-gender, defining sexual orientation can become complex. Misunderstanding in this area is a cause of a great deal of unhappiness.

There are 3 basic orientations as they relate to birth gender.

Hetero Sexual (attracted to persons of the opposite gender)

Homo Sexual (attracted to persons of the same gender)

Bi-Sexual (attracted to a person independent of gender)

When one or other of the partners in a relationship is bi-gendered, the "hetero/homo" part of the equation becomes less meaningful, and in some cases downright confusing.

Sexual Purity

The concepts of hetero sexual "purity" or homo sexual "purity" are challenged by one of the partners being bi-gendered. 

And even if both are bi-gendered, it still takes some mental gymnastics to work in a meaningful definition of sexual orientation.

This table shows what a mess our understanding of sexual orientation is when Bi-Genderism is thrown into the mix.

Partner A Partner B Genetic Orientation Bi-Gender Orientation
Gen Fem (Genetic Female) M2F (Male to Female) Hetero Sexual Homo Sexual
Gen Fem (Genetic Female) F2M (Female to Male) Homo Sexual Hetero Sexual
F2M (Female to Male) F2M (Female to Male) Homo Sexual Homo Sexual
F2M (Female to Male)* M2F (Male to Female) Hetero Sexual Hetero Sexual
Gen Em (Genetic Male) F2M (Female to Male) Hetero Sexual Homo Sexual
Gen Em (Genetic Male) M2F (Male to Female) Homo Sexual Hetero Sexual
M2F (Male to Female) M2F (Male to Female) Homo Sexual Homo Sexual
*M2F (Male to Female) F2M (Female to Male) Hetero Sexual Hetero Sexual

*These two are the same.

Clearly, unless we re-jig our definitions of sexual orientations we would need to consult a flow chart before climbing into bed!

How can the partner makes sense of all of this?